Finding the Sweet Spot

Finding the Sweet Spot

How Serving Others and Oneself Leads to
Open Doors, Sustainability, and Balance

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

-Howard Thurman

If you are like most humans, you are likely concerned with living a meaningful and impactful life.  Inevitably, at some point you are going to be faced with the question of “What path to take?”  We are faced with an overwhelming amount of choices at every step in our lives.  Choosing a path is enough to elicit anxiety in even the most stoic among us!  We hear the wisdom of our sages urging us to serve others, rebuke material gain, and make an impact, while our current dominant culture can endorse opulence, 70-hour workweeks, and worldly power as the right path.  The conflicting messages can sometimes paralyze us in our search for purpose and make determining the “right” path a seemingly impossible task.

In my work as an educator at The Pioneer Project, I try to help students work through these difficult questions.  One way I have helped students identify potential paths is by showing them the diagram pictured here.  In this diagram, I endorse “The Middle Way” that keeps us from sliding too far toward either end of the spectrum. 

I use the word “good” to describe activities and philosophies that yield fulfillment, joy, justice, health, and vitality.  You may find that over time, things that feel undoubtedly “good” to you are those that promote these values in the wider community, like eating sustainably farmed food, exercising, spending time in nature, and cultivating mindfulness.  Identifying those things that are truly good for you and for others will take ample experience and reflection, but it is integral to the process of choosing a life path!

In this model, sliding too far to the “Good For Me” side of things can lead to a life of self-absorption and greed and sliding too far to the “Good For Others” side can result in a lack of self-care and eventual burnout. There is no shortage of celebrities and public figures that glamorize the extremes of the self-serving side of the spectrum.  You will see that the model I propose implies that a life in service of others in some way is essential to reach the Sweet Spot, so I am dismissing those self-serving folks as caricatures of misguided success.  If you are stuck on this side of the spectrum, it may be helpful to go volunteer, help a friend, mentor a young person, travel to economically depressed regions of the world, or somehow immerse yourself in the service of others to discover its merits!

However, it is also essential that we do the reflection to figure out what really is good for our soul, healthy for our bodies, and what reasonable luxuries matter to us.  If we neglect our own needs, we cannot fully realize our potential to serve others and be the most effective versions of ourselves.  Take the proverbial advice of the flight attendant and, “Put on your own oxygen mask before you help your neighbor.”  This is a reasonable selfishness that is taught in any emergency medical course because you can’t truly help anyone (for very long, anyway!) if you are neglecting your own safety, health, or sanity.  This lesson is highly pertinent to our choice of our life’s path as well.  If we are truly going to “change the world” as most of us aspire to do, we must consider the options that best match our competencies and passions while meeting our physical, spiritual, and emotional needs.

For me, it was always tempting to slide to the other side of the spectrum – “Good for Others.”  For whatever reason, I told myself the story that radical altruism was the only righteous path.  As a young man, I was saddened by the injustices in our world and was fervently committed to serving others – especially in the developing world.  This led to service-oriented trips to over 15 countries and a slough of powerful learning experiences.  Over time, it occurred to me that I had some interesting motives behind my desire to serve others.  I discovered that part of it stemmed from a lack of self-love, a misconception about “needy” people, and a desperate anxiety about the state of the world.  As it turns out, the world is actually pretty amazing and the folks I thought I needed to save actually saved me in many ways by showing me another way of life in contrast with my own culture.  I also learned through working with the some of the wealthiest and poorest students in the world that crises exist in every part of the socioeconomic spectrum and that all people need a listening ear, a helping hand, and a caring friend.  So, if you find yourself on this side of the spectrum, move closer to the Sweet Spot by ensuring that your activities in service are a personal passion, respectful of those you hope to serve, and feed your vitality.  Though it is honorable to “fight the good fight” and neglect our own needs for a time, over the long haul it can be unsustainable and lead to burnout, compassion fatigue, and other crises of the spirit.

When we find the activities and interests that rest in the Sweet Spot intersection and focus our energy on those pursuits, the world tends to conspire on our behalf to reveal open doors we never noticed before.  Why might this be?  I believe that humans are inspired by those leaders who have devoted their lives to an altruistic pursuit, but still take the time to cultivate health and happiness in their own lives – tending responsibly to their internal flame so they don’t burn out.  These on-lookers can become collaborators by offering their help along the way when you are in need (i.e. "The world conspiring on your behalf.").  Living a life in service of others and that honors your own needs is a tricky endeavor, but is certainly possible and is the most direct path towards a sustainably positive, balanced lifestyle.

So, take the time to fill out this diagram for yourself.  What interests and options fit on one side or the other, and which ones fall in “The Sweet Spot?”  Often, it takes a leap of faith and a good deal of effort to re-orient our lives towards the Sweet Spot, but I believe this effort is well worth it!

Adam Haigler is the Co-founder and Director of The Pioneer Project, an educational immersion program for college-age students that focuses on sustainable living, traditional craft, and outdoor leadership in western North Carolina.  Learn more at www.pioneerproject.org

A Grand Adventure

The first semester of The Pioneer Project was quite a learning experience for everyone! It began with four students from all over the country and a staff team of four from similarly dispersed locales. For Allison and I, it was the realization of a ten-year dream and proved to be a remarkable pilot semester.

After the student’s arrival and brief orientation, we embarked on a four-day expedition. We chose an ambitious route that gave us the opportunity to scale mountains, hike high altitude enchanted ridges, be immersed in one of the last remaining old growth hardwood forests of the Southeast, and make acquaintance with some particularly curious and precious baby squirrels who would not leave us alone! For some of our students, this was the first time they had ever slept outside, pooped in the woods, and carried their world on their backs. It was quite the experience for us all and helped us develop new friendships as well as getting a sense of the Southern Appalachian ecosystem.

Upon returning to the homestead, the students started plugging away at tasks in the garden. After some quick introductions to soil, composting, planting, watering, and garden tools, our students helped tend a wide variety of crops that we integrated into meals throughout the semester. We were particularly fond of including the various lettuces into our salads and were deeply gratified to watch the seeds grow into healthy food producing plants. Within the first couple of weeks, a professional chef introduced our students to some techniques for using our local seasonal vegetables and gave them a chance to learn how to make the classic southern dish of fried green tomatoes! As fall marched on, our students became the chefs and even planned the menus for the last month of the program. Though our vegetable rich diet was difficult for some students to adjust to at first, we were told that it definitely helped expand their dietary horizons and instilled some healthy eating habits.

We kicked off our craft classes with herbal first aid, bookbinding, and blacksmithing, which resulted in some interesting creations by our students. Nate’s Mr. Rogers-themed journal was a real hit among the students, and probably inspired some interesting journal entries for him.

For our second expedition (herbal first aid kits in hand!), we embarked on a water-based adventure to Lake Hiwassee, a huge local reservoir surrounded by wilderness. Words can hardly describe the beauty and tranquility of that expedition, but I’ll try anyway. The emerald green lake and bright blue skies juxtaposed the red clay shores of the lake in picturesque scenes as far as the eye could see as we paddled our canoes through the placid waters. It was poetic indeed. We camped for three nights, the last of which culminated in a gorgeous sunset over the lake as we devoured our perfectly prepared pita pizzas (thanks Evan!) and chatted about our lives during our “life stories” activity. After the second expedition, the students began to take further ownership over the semester and increasingly completed their chores around the homestead independently. Our craft classes continued with some really fun pottery workshops at a local potter’s studio that resulted in some beautiful hand-built bowls and plenty of creative expression. Our students also got to use some of the herbs from our farm to make herbal soaps intended to nourish their skin and titillate the senses.

In addition to tending our own food crops, students also got to meet some local farmers and assist them with a massive garlic planting operation at Candy Mountain Farm – one of the farms that instigated the organic movement in this region years 30 years before it was cool to be organic. They also got to interact with the delightful goat inhabitants at a local goat dairy that makes the most fantastic cheeses in the area. To further introduce students to a new relationship with food through the local food movement, we visited an urban farm in Atlanta to show that not all food comes from the rural areas and that urban farms can play an important role in bringing local food to the masses.

Our third expedition introduced students to the stellar rock climbing of the area at Looking Glass Rock. The huge granite dome there provides endless climbing opportunities and proved to be a great confidence builder for our students, none of whom had climbed on real rock before. Lian was particularly smitten with this new sport and hopes to continue pursuing it in the future. The expedition finished with a mountain bike ride outside Asheville, NC. This served as a solid introduction to the sport, which we further explored back near the homestead by riding the excellent singletrack trails along the shores of Lake Chatuge.

Meanwhile, back at the homestead, the crops were looking lush after the students’ fastidious tending and we were able to include about a dozen veggies from our garden in our meals. With the garden under control, the students started turning their attention to more craft and building projects. They took a prominent role in building an outhouse for the homestead (yes, we still use outhouses sometimes) which will house a composting toilet. Though the outhouse has yet to be christened, this group of students has left a lasting legacy for the Pioneer Project that people for years to come will be able to meditate on! Hah!

The last few craft workshops were a blast! Students made felted hats, quilted pillows, and leather pouches under the tutelage of our local crafters. Everyone was particularly fond of Lou’s felt hat, which made him look quite debonair.

As the semester moved towards its final weeks, the students turned their attention to the last expedition, which was completely planned and executed by them. They put their newfound wilderness skills to use by planning a backpacking route, designing the menu, and becoming the instructors for a 4-day hike in a different section of where they had gone on their first expedition. It was as cold as it was beautiful out there in mid-November and proved to be a challenging expedition that was ultimately triumphant for our students and ended with a celebratory dinner at a Mexican restaurant. As it turns out, we all agreed that Mexican food is 500% better after wilderness expeditions. Upon our return, we tied up loose ends at the homestead, gave each other feedback, sang a few songs, and shared a final feast with our community. Our students packed their bags and we all said teary goodbyes as the sun set on the first semester of the Pioneer Project.

We are so thankful to have shared this experience with Lian, Lou, Evan, and Nate and wish you all the very best wherever your journeys may lead. We look forward to this year, which will hold three more programs at the Pioneer Project, and will surely provide many more colorful memories for everyone involved!

Posted by Adam Haigler

The Pioneer Project is a Gap Year Program in the USA that focuses on Homesteading, Craft, and Wilderness skills that aims to help students achieve clarity of purpose, empowerment and a sense of interdependence through community-oriented semester programs.